In an attempt to give my 13 month old a routine; the decision was made on a random Thursday to ensure his solo naptime was in his cot, after crèche. Not the buggy. Not the bed. Certainly not on Mama’s chest on the sofa.
It’s certainly going well.
12.35: Leave crèche. Child has bags under his eyes that Ryanair would charge a fortune to carry. Having been told he had a very active morning and no sleep am feeling confident of a long nap today. I can feel it.
12.50 – In the door. Childs eyes are closing. Score.
12.51 – Place child in cot, watch as eyes shoot wide open resembling someone after one too many Red Bulls. Let the whinging begin.
12.53 – Kiss forehead and lie toddler down again, interrupting his dancing clinging to the bars of the cot. Today shall not be the day you learn that pole dance move.
12.55 – Rub toddlers back when they are lying down. Hand soother.
12.56 – Get soother flung at face. Try bottle.
12.57 – Bottle flung. Hurts more than soother, child has incredibly good aim. Standing up again.
1.00 – Consider moving onto sofa. Kick self for giving child terrible habits. Vow that this is a routine to stick to.
1.02 – Google “ways to keep toddler in cot nap”
1.03 – Lament that all complaints Google has on the topic are from far younger children who have since become great sleepers.
1.05 – Wonder if there’s a warranty document somewhere for the child. There’s not. Wonder about returns policy but decide it could be too messy a process.
1.08 – Untangle a foot from the bars of the cot as child bellyflops around trying to find a spot. At least, I think that’s what he’s up to.
1.10 – Perhaps coming back to it later might be better. Maybe an episode of Fireman Sam first. That would at least keep him quiet.
1.20 – Wonder how Norman Price hasn’t been locked away in a juvenile facility and the fire station downgraded. Toddler is now calmer. Eye rubbing commences. Back into the cot.
1.22 – Phone starts to die.
1.23 – Retrieve charger, recommence googling “Ways to make toddler sleep”. Deal with toddler freakout about leaving the house for five milliseconds to get the charger. Regret nothing.
1.25 – Take arm off of cot side after a toddler bite (those teeth are sharp). Lament ever having birthed said toddler. Fantasise about the beer gardens and lazy days instead of discussions of the politics of Pontypandy and poo routines. Because clearly if you didn’t have to be here doing naptime, you’d be partying it up in Ibiza. Of course.
1.30 – Watch toddler thrash around cot trying to look for a spot that seems the best to sleep in. Discover religion and pray you will not need to pee before he goes to sleep as leaving the room is considered abandonment and is punishable by death by screaming fit.
1.34- Untangle feet from cot bars again. Wonder if a toddler bed would do the trick. Contemplate taking a nap yourself.
1.35 – Realise the sleepy music is making you want to nod off in the chair. Start googling “how young is too young for toddler bed”. Find amazing car shaped ones in Argos.
1.36 – Open Pinterest app and search for toddler bedrooms. Because a pretty bedroom is totally going to make an amazing sleeper. Yeah.
1.37 – Check bank account. Back to Pinterest, rename folder “Dream bedroom”. Dreams for another day. A more well rested one.
1.38 – Lie down toddler again, hushed tones, hide frustration at their lack of a nap you would cherish.
1.40 – Google sleep coach. Check out the blurbs for a number of make-your-child-sleep books on Amazon.
1.41 – Wonder if hypnotherapy works on 13 month olds
1.43 – Look over, finally snoring. Stay sitting, terrified to move for fear of waking child.
It’s over. Done. For now. Almost an hour of a fight – if he wakes up within an hour I’m going to start the search for the warranty document all over again.
Have you had more success than me with naptime routine? Let me know your tips below!!