I’ve written before about my relationship with food, weight and body image. After my pregnancy with E, I was left at the biggest I’ve ever been and felt like absolute crap. Jeans shopping was more traumatic than normal and my new shape made me want to cry when I looked in the mirror. I looked at other mothers walking around with their buggies (some of them jogging) and wondered how they did it, how they attained their gorgeous figures with tiny babies, how they found time to exercise and cook clearly healthier meals than I was. I listened to person after person tell me how breastfeeding was the key to the super weight loss and felt even worse about my failure as a watering hole for my son. In hindsight I realize that the onset of post natal depression did play a lot into the hands of this. I felt horrible, ugly, like my son would be ashamed of me, that my partner would clearly want someone better, thinner, less whale-like. It wasn’t a good time.
Over time, the weight came off. I joined Weight Watchers and quickly changed my eating habits for the better, albeit adding an addiction to Diet Coke to my repetoire of sins. I dropped two dress sizes in four months and regained a lot of body confidence, again potentially linked to getting help for my post natal depression. But I was bored. Sick of the sight of slimbos and craving things like peanut butter. It felt like a chore and I found myself resenting the diet for denying me things. I felt a bad relationship with food growing, I was looking at certain foods as “bad” foods, berating myself for indulging in them and adding a guilt complex to food, which as any new mother will know is an unnecessary addition to the already booming Mammy Guilt. So I quit. Just shy of two stone off my initial starting weight, I stopped going to meetings and allowed myself some Reeses Cups.
Now, I haven’t fallen off the wagon completely. My methods of eating have been reasonably healthy, but I’m still aware that I need to do more to get the rest of the weight I’ve got off – and unfortunately due to a back injury, I can do very little on the exercise front. I’ve looked at different things like paleo and other diet plans, but am slightly dreading the concept of cutting out gluten and dairy at the same time, I guess its fear of the unknown. During all of this thinking about change, I spotted the Slim with Tina Programme, which basically stated that it was different from diets as diets don’t work, and as a four week online course it would change the way I thought about food. Well, whats the harm, I thought. So I’ve signed up. Tina’s ethos seems to be all about a healthy attitude towards food instead of purely weight based, which is exactly what I need right now.
I’m hoping to gain a better knowledge of my relationship with food, my triggers (I’ve definitely been an emotional eater in the past) and know what to do to change these habits without feeling like I am depriving myself. The problem I’ve had with diets in the past is falling off the wagon because its only a diet until I reach a target, and then I feel like I should be ablate go back to my old habits and still attain a supermodel-esque (ha!) figure with little to no work. Sure, if Victoria Beckham can do it….
I’ve given a bit of a skim over to the book which I’m planning on diving into further this evening and it seems like something I can get behind. I’ve already started my food diary and as well as anything, my caffeine levels are quite concerning, but its all a work in progress. I’m planning on keeping up my walking to a minimum of 10,000 steps a day, we’ll see how that goes. Hopefully in four weeks time I’ll be happier, healthier and making my way towards a slimmer life!
Tina Murphy very kindly invited me to join the Run with Tina’s Kickstarter course for the purpose of review. However all opinions and experiences are my own. For more information, visit RunWithTina.com