Strongly Worded Letter to the 8 week vaccinations

Dear Vaccinations against horrible diseases I would never wish my son to get,

You are horrible folk. Yes I understand your intentions are noble. You wish to rid my son of the chance to get diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough, polio, hepatitis B and HiB, and then some. I appreciate this intent, truly, those are rather horrible illnesses to get and I’m plenty sure that his standard of living is for the better to not experience them. 

All of that nobleness aside, I wish ye would take a running jump. In one fell swoop I got rid of my lovely child who seemed to have developed a pattern in which he slept at night, in his own crib, easily falling back asleep, to be replaced by a demon child, but I also became, in his eyes at least, the worst mother in the whole wide world. Not only did I allow that woman in the white top to stick that horrible painful needle into his left leg, I turned him around and allowed her to do the same into his right leg, despite his very clear screams of anguish, pain and “Mammy, what in gods name did I ever do to you?”. A traumatic experience on all counts, even to the doctor, who attempted to convince the crying child that it was indeed the nurse, and not her, who had performed the evil deed.

That lovely, sleeping child, well you’ve ruined him. We had a routine, damn you. He was sleeping, and self soothing, the whole damn kit and caboodle. Not for the whole night, I grant you, but he did naps, and then big long sleeps and he’d lie by himself and put himself back to sleep. Not only that but he was eating like he was going to be starved if he stopped, and therefore gaining weight steadily, which for the tiny scut that he is was a big achievement. After his encounter with you lot? Nada. Eating is just too much effort, barring one feed a day where he inhales about two feeds full in half the time, instead of half a feed in double the time. Sleep? While we’re somewhat managing a semblance of a routine again, over a week later, we’ve now developed a new routine – it involves being awake a lot when its dark outside. Again dear vaccines, damn you to hell. He also seems to have developed oral thrush from his immune system being attacked – whether this is your fault or not hasn’t been determined, but I blame you regardless.

I’m not anti-vaccine per say. I’m not one of those who worries that their kid will become autistic, or get some other disorder from the vaccines. I believe that it is the duty of parents to vaccinate in order to not only protect their kids from getting infected but also to protect other kids from being infected by their child, when those other kids aren’t old enough to be vaccinated yet.

But you messed up our routine, and my sleep patterns, and my lovely, sedate, happy child.

And for that, I glare at you, curse you and give out. And vow to send him to his grandparents after the next lot.

Kind Regards,

A very tired Mammy.


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