When I started to think about going back to work after having E, there was a large amount of thought put into childcare and how he would spend his days while I was tied to my desk, enjoying those uninterrupted cups of tea. I worried that he wouldn’t settle for someone else and that he would feel abandoned by both of his parents. While knowing I needed to work for both my sanity and to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and a lifestyle I wanted for my son, I fell prey to the inevitable Mammy guilt, made all the worse on days where he woke up not feeling great or was extra clingy. I tried to think of the best options, trying to put to the back of my mind the seemingly endless reports on the failings in our nations childcare facilities highlighted in the media over the last two years. While I wanted him to be able to mix with others, I also realised that set hours and putting my trust into complete strangers with my tiny baby was potentially not going to work at the very start.  (more…)