I gave birth in March 2014. My son is 15 months old this week, and the question has been asked, more than once, as to when I’m going to give him a baby brother or sister. If I’ll go again. For most it isn’t a question of if, rather when, as having an only child is an anomaly in society. I wasn’t aware that when the animals went two by two on to the ark they were in fact siblings, that does make the story a whole lot more weird, but it appears that if society says children must come in twos that theory had to come from somewhere.
I am the eldest of three children, and I do remember asking my parents for a brother, then a sister. They delivered two brothers which somewhat went against my plans (the brother was for kite flying purposes, inspired by watching a lot of Mary Poppins, and it never seemed to happen). The sister was potentially due to the fact that on tv and in stories all of my favourite characters, bar Matilda, had a sister. That said, it was also potentially due to hearing people talking about my parents “giving” me a sister. All in all, I’m perfectly okay with being the only girl, I’m not sure the teenage years would have ended so well had the surge of teen girl hormones been doubled, I was enough of a nightmare at times as it was.
I’ve said before I had kids that ideally I would like to have more than one. Well, if there is one thing that could potentially change your mind, it is having one. Parenting is a whole lot tougher than any parents I knew before I had kids ever made it look – Academy Awards for all of you heroes who made it look easy, believe me. Nobody tells you the extent of the exhaustion, the frustration, the amount of times you’ll have to strip down after being puked on repeatedly, have to put those socks back on those tiny feet and listen to the screams of a teething baby. I have a feeling if the honest picture was advertised we’d face some form of a population shortage so perhaps its just as well it comes as a surprise. Kids are incredibly rewarding, don’t get me wrong, I love my son to pieces and wouldn’t swap him for the world (well, maybe for an hour extra in bed) but seeing how much work and frustration goes into bringing up one at a time, it is making me reconsider if I ever do want to “go again”, as people say.
I did not have the ideal pregnancy, the ideal birth experience, the ideal start to parenting. Thanks to a combination of circumstance and crappy luck, I started off on the wrong foot and I do realise that this does potentially shade my opinion on whether or not another baby is a good idea. Part of me looks at tiny newborns, sleeping, squishy, beautiful newborns and yearns to have another – thank you very much uterus for reminding me you’re there. Then I have a rough day with my toddler and I’m thankful that he’s my only handful – for my sanity I’m not sure I could handle more than one, definitely not at this stage.
People who ask me when I’m going to have another baby, or if I’m currently pregnant (thanks for that, not feeling self concious about my figure at all) have probably never faced any such complications, nor been directly affected by secondary infertility. So far, I’m incredibly lucky to have had no issues with conceiving at all (apart from the unexpected nature of it happening), but it does make me wonder what other people that they are saying these things to could be going through – some people who are facing problems and are already feeling sensitive about these questions really do not need inquisitive strangers snooping into their private business.
That’s what it is though. People seem to get overly concerned about the contents, or the lack of contents, in my uterus, which to be fair, is absolutely none of their business. Saying such a thing sounds like I’m being really defensive, and I’m not, it just doesn’t matter to me whether or not anyone else plans to have a football team, or leave it at one, or even none at all, so I don’t understand why it does seem to be so important to random strangers. And telling people they look pregnant when they aren’t NEVER goes down well. If in the future, myself and my partner do decide we would like another baby, it is when we upload the cute newborn baby photo that I will understand people commenting – hopefully to say how beautiful/cute/like me he/she is – not before.
So as far as Baby #2 is concerned, it’s definitely a not right now – in the future perhaps, I can’t look into a crystal ball and see what is going to happen – but for the moment one gives me more than enough joy and tribulations for a lifetime.
Have you ever felt pressured by other people to increase the size of your family? What kind of responses did you give them? Let me know in the comments below!
Whenever the time is right. At the start I told them I won’t have another one. It was stressful but when Matthew was 20 months I felt it was right to have another one as I didn’t want the gap to be bigger than 3 years.
Exactly, its all about doing things when you are ready, not anyone else.
You think it’s your brain that decides these things but it’s not. The real decision maker is between your legs. YOU ARE POWERLESS AGAINST THE UTERUS.
I will keep that in mind. Purchasing armour as we speak
When I finally decided to have kids I knew right away that I didn’t want to have just one for I was an only child for 14 years. By the time my mom remarried and had two more kids I was so far apart from them and to this day we still have no bond. Therefore I wanted mine to be close. There are pros and cons to it all but to watch them play and interact is the best feeling ever. Good luck in your adventures! Thanks for hosting #linkalist.
Thank you – I do see both sides to the argument but at the moment this is best for my family
In my experience, sometimes two is exponentially harder than one, and other times it’s practically just the same, or even easier.
When I was “between babies” I felt as if the longest possible gap I was allowed have was 2 years, and that 3 was really pushing it. Now I have friends who have a 6-year gap between their kids and they love it. So there really is plenty of time.
And then too, there’s nothing terrible about an only child. I speak from personal experience. 🙂
Thanks – there’s 3 years between me and brother 1 and another 18 months between him and brother 2, so I’m not too worried about that. Time will tell! Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂
P.S. Your new design is lovely!
My husband and I were asked when we were going to have another by someone visiting us and our *3 week old* son. Unsurprisingly we both responded with “we’re not!” and got a lecture on how we’d be depriving him if we didn’t have another close in age.
Oh the “You can’t do that” talk drives me mad – yes I bloody well can! 3 weeks old, are they nuts?
I can’t believe people are so intrusive! Loads of time – no rush at all. It’s lovely to be able to give baby number one lots and lots of one-on-one attention. I have a 20 month gap between my first two, and while I love seeing them play together now, I do feel that my eldest missed out – she was still only a baby herself when she had to get used to sharing our attention.
Such a good post! Leave my uterus alone! I’m writing a post on a similar them at the moment and I do find people’s casual assumption that I’ll be able to have another insensitive (although less so than I found it before the first!). And then the opinions on age gap come… X
Love Leave my Uterus alone! Motto for the week 😛
Thankfully very few people have asked because me having a child in the first place was a bit of a surprise – before I was never that fussed. The worst though was my great aunt asking if I was pregnant at my mum’s funeral. Her reasoning being my son was about the right age for me to be having another!
I love how candid and honest you are. Parenting is very difficult and is a 24 hour job plus you are blogging too which I commend you on. I think people take parenting for granted.
It’s okay that baby #2 won’t be right now, you should never feel pressure to have your children so close together in age.Wish you all the best for the future.
Oh, I know all about this! We have decided to stick with just one child. And we’re happy with this – it’s right for us for many, many reasons. But, wow, do people have plenty to say about it – usually the people who know you least!!
You go ahead and just do what’s right for you. Who says there’s only one way to do life and family?
Funnily enough no one has ever asked me when I was having a second baby or if I was giving Tyler a brother or sister – it was me who was really wanting to add to our family. The only thing people have said is that I couldn’t leave him an only child as he’s so sociable but I take that as a compliment. When the time is right you’ll know but I’m so glad that I won’t be having the baby until after he turns three so that for the first few years of his life he had all my attention.
I really try to avoid asking people that question. It’s such a personal decision and really none of our business.
I’m not a mom yet but I have presented this typical scene that you say…I find it so rude!
(Sorry for my english, I’m learning the language) 🙂
I have always found it amusing that you get engaged and people want to know when you are getting married… the minute you are married they are asking whether you want a baby and of course after baby no 1 they immediately want to know about baby no 2 and so forth!!
Comments are closed.